you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
