i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
