The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
