new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
