i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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