you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
