Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
