plz talk dirty to me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
