I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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