They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Welp...herpes.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
