Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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