don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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