nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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