so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
