butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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