I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
