Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
