Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
