If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
