I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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