There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Enjoy the penises
All the doctor said was why
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
