I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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