Sponge bath it is.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
