I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
