I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
