I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
