you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
