At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
