ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
