was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
