By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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