Will you blow on my dice?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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