Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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