Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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