Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i believe in u and ur pee
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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