a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
