Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
