Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the day after is always just damage control
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
