dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
