is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
