i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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