break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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