we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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