The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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