Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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