Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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