3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
