i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
