im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
