in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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