Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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