end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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