I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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