Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
