Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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