It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is Oprah even human
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
