just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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